Saturday, November 1, 2008

The Scariest Thing of Halloween

I'm not sure if this is actually dating-related enough for this blog, but I'm posting it anyway.

You see the guy in the picture above? Yeah, you know, Lt. Dangle from Reno 911? Well, I kind of met him last night--well, a version of him. A little too up-close-and-personally.

Okay, so you meet all kinds of crazy characters when in West Hollywood on Halloween, granted. You see things you will never, ever see again, ever in your life. Well, until next year. It's easy to be shocked at the 8-foot-tall drag-version of the Bride of Frankenstein walking around on stilts. Or the herd of cowboys wandering the streets wearing [only] assless chaps. A sight to be seen, I must say.

I still think I'm a little surprised by Lt. Dangle though. I mean, yes, everyone was a little bit ballsy (no pun intended) and incredibly super-charged, but you just don't expect a very feminine guy in WeHo on a Halloween night to come on to you. Seriously.

So here I am, dancing with some friends in one of the clubs off of Santa Monica--a club full of crazy-ass drag queens and every other colorful creature you may imagine, asses hanging out all over the place. Suddenly I have this Lt. Dangle character all up on me. So I'm dancing with him. I'm sure he's gay, so everything's fine, right? Wrong. "You're SO HOT!" he tells me repeatedly, with a little bit of a lisp in a very exaggerated manner. "You're so sweet," I say back, still convinced he likes men. "Are you gay?" he asks me. I consider lying but, sure of the answer, say, "No, are you?" "I'm whatever you want me to be, Baby." Uh. Okay. Gay, I want you to be gay.

And I remain pretty sure he is...until, while dancing and twirling around (in my little cavewoman skirt, which is basically a strand of cloth) I realize that Lt. Dangle is, um, well, not dangling. And he's not dangling outside the confines of his very short shorts.

Suddenly I was very sober.

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