Friday, October 24, 2008

Garbage Disposals: The alternative uses

I was reading the newspaper over my oatmeal the other morning, and I happened upon a comic strip that struck me. You know, like it stood out to me, not like it reached out and hit me in the face. Got it? Good. Moving on.

The comic was fairly simple. It was a drawing of a burning building with flames billowing out the windows. On the top floor was a desperate woman hanging out of the window. Then there was a fireman climbing up the ladder to her rescue. As he approaches her, she says one line: “I thought you'd be taller.”

Here this poor guy is, risking his own life to save some selfish little bitch who wants her knight in [yellow, fire-retardant] armor to be 6'2, with nice teeth, an athletic frame, and oh, maybe a Porsche. (SO what if I'm projecting? This is my blog, damn it!)

And I laughed out loud at first. How right on, I thought. Until I started to feel bad for the dude. I thought of how girls pass up the opportunity to get to know a guy just because he's a little on the shorter side or whatever. He could be a perfectly good guy with a good heart and a healthy sense of adoration for the object of his affection, but we overlook him because we're taller than him when we're wearing heels.

I felt bad, I did. I scrambled the idea around in my head. I tried to justify it. I tried to make a personal pact to eyeball the short guys too—and to make an effort to deal with their inevitable “short-man syndrome” in the process.

And then it hit me. Some of the guys I've liked the most in my long, long life have not necessarily been the ones who have all the qualities found on my list. There have been some shorter ones, or some chubbier ones, some who were balding a bit (both prematurely and definitely right on time), and the list goes on. Yet these have been the most significant men in my life.

While yes, some of them were assholes and heaven knows why I liked them, most of them were really great guys. Guys who adored me. Guys who were funny, smart, driven, hard-working, cute, and who cared if they were a little short?

My point is simply that I make a big deal about these standards of mine. But if some amazing guy came along and gave me reason enough, I'd crumple up my list and shove it down my garbage disposal with little to no hesitation.

Until then, I'm hanging onto this list of mine. There's no garbage disposal in my current apartment anyway.

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